Showing posts with label Parenting.. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Parenting.. Show all posts

Monday, July 28, 2014

Rupert Isaacson

Long ride to hope: 'Autism isn’t a catastrophe, it’s a personality type' | Irish Examiner

Friday, June 17, 2011

Fatherhood Through the Decades.

Fatherhood Through the Decades
By Sue Leonard
Pubished as the Cover Story in the Irish Examienr. June 17th 2011.

Once the role of a father was clear. He’d pace the floor whilst his wife gave birth; he’d get legless ‘wetting the baby’s head’ with his pals – and from then on, he’d be the main provider, and, possibly, the disciplinarian. The hands on stuff – the nappy changing, feeding and day to day care would be left in the capable hands of his wife.

How that has changed! Dads are now expected to muck in with all the baby-care; with the provision of paternity and parental leave there’s no excuse for them not to. There’s been more blurring of roles still, with the onset of the recession. Unemployment means that many dads are now the chief carer.

Is it difficult defining fatherhood when life was so different for their own dad’s? And what are the main challenges for dads today? We talk to fathers from five different decades.

DAD IN HIS TWENTIES. Mark Garbutt. 29. Dad to Leon, 8, and Kayla, 4.

Mark was a happy go lucky 21 year old when his 19 year old girlfriend, Sharon became pregnant. At the start parenthood was a challenge for him, but he’s now happier with his life, than he’s ever been.

“I missed out on going off and doing my own thing like other 21 year olds, but it never really bothered me. You just get on with life.”

Mark has lost touch with most of his old friends, but he’s made a lot of new ones through the Educate Together school in Lusk.
“I’m the youngest dad there, but we’ve grown up now and do grown up things. We go for nights out with other parents, and to dinner in each other’s houses.”

Senior Contractor for an electrical company for the past ten years, life has been busy. But Mark has always been a hands on dad, even helping out with the night time feeds.

“On week days Sharon would do them, because I left for work at 6.45 am, but I’d take over on Friday and Saturday nights.”

Mark’s dad wasn’t hands on – but he remembers playing in the park with him. And he loves hanging out with Leon and Kayla.
“On Sundays we’ll do something as a family. We’ll go to the beach, or to Malahide Park. We have a great time. The best thing about being a young dad is the energy I have,” he says.

• My advice is to talk things through when the baby is small. The first six to nine months are the hardest time. It’s important to work things out.


DAD IN HIS THIRTIES. Seán Óg Ó Duinnín. 36. Dad to Siún 2 ½.

Married at 24 to Ciara, Seán, from Macroom, hoped he’d be a young father. But it didn’t happen. So when Ciara finally became pregnant, the couple were overjoyed.

“Siún was born in December, 2008. She and Ciara came home on Christmas day and we sank into this groove of domestic bliss. We were so happy.”

But when Siún was nine and half weeks old, tragedy struck. Leaving a friend’s house, Ciara collapsed and died – from sudden adult death. Devastated, Seán struggled to cope, and now has the help of Zara, a German au pair girl.

Life is challenging. Principal of a secondary school, work is busier now than it was a decade ago. But Seán relishes his time with Siún.
“She keeps me going. I come home and she runs into my arms. Like her mother, she’s such fun. I love socialising with her. I love taking her out for lunch or a coffee.”

Seán’s father was 50 when he was born. He didn’t change nappies, but he was a born entertainer.
“He was a musician and story teller. I’d go everywhere with him. We played at weddings from the time I was 11. He spoke to us in Irish. I want to hand the music and the Irish on to Siún.

“Fatherhood has changed me. Before, I didn’t know what worry was. But being Siún’s father is the most important thing I will ever do.”

• My advice is to give unconditional love. But also to fit your child around your life. Siún is the centre of my world, but I don’t pander to her.

DAD IN HIS FORTIES. Rodrigo Lara. 41. Dad to Thomas, 8, Max, 6 and Daisy, 3.

From the time Rodrigo married Josephine his life changed. He moved from Ecuador to Ireland, so had a new culture, a new job – importing flowers – and in 2002, a new baby.
“Having a baby was completely different to anything I could imagine,” he says. “Just seeing this new person who is part of your life. Every smile, or movement of his hand made us so happy.”

Rodrigo thinks 34 was an ideal age to become a father.
“You’ve learned a lot of things and are able to transmit them, and you still have the energy to play football with them. I have plenty to give – and am able to provide what they expect from a dad.”

“My father wasn’t around much. He worked away. My grandfather lived with us. He was the kindest nicest man, but my mother was like a close friend. I could talk to her about anything, and she was always there for me. I’d like to be like that for my children.

“I love Saturdays. We have pancakes and the children help to prepare them. Then we go to our allotment for a while, and maybe have a picnic there. After that we’ll go for a walk, and hopefully find a playground.

“The main challenge for me was learning patience. I think I’ve learned it as the years have gone on. And I worry about providing for the children in the recession.”

• My advice is to be involved in your children’s lives. And to plan your life around theirs.

DAD IN HIS FIFTIES. Carlo Gébler. 56. Dad to India-Rose, 29, Jack 24, Finn, 20, Georgia 16, and Ewan 13.

Author Carlo Gébler had a famously difficult relationship with his father, Ernest.
“I was aware that my father was permanently irritated by me. I never had a conversation with him about anything meaningful,” says Carlo, on the phone from his house near Enniskillen in Northern Ireland.

With a fractured childhood; Carlo’s mother Edna O’Brien, left the family home when he was 7, and didn’t get full custody for seven years, Carlo had no good male role model. So he has learned his parenting skills from his wife.

“We have a life of permanent domestic sharing,” says Carlo. “My main role now is as a chauffeur to the children. I write in my spare time!”

Have the challenges changed with the years?
“I’m a lot more tired now. I am so tired, but the main difference is that at 26 I knew nothing. I now look at Georgia going to a party and feel a terrible stab of anxiety. I don’t worry about her safety, but I despair of the world she’s inheriting. And I worry about the heartache and pain she’ll have to go through. I just want my children to be happy.”

“I love talking to my children,” says Carlo. “That, and listening to them play an instrument. ”

• My advice to fathers is to enjoy your children in the moment. And read to your children. My children know if they ask for a book they will get it straight away. They’ll be denied a McDonalds, but a book? Never!

DAD IN HIS SIXTIES. Howard Campbell. 65. Dad to five grown children and to Ruadhan 12, and Caoilfhionn 9.

Howard Campbell had two families; one in his twenties; the other in his fifties.
“My first five children had left home when my wife became ill and died,” says Howard, a retired doctor from Kilkenny. “When I met Emer, who was still young enough to have children, I was open to the idea. I can’t imagine not being a father, and the second time was even more enriching than the first,”

Although Howard was more of a hands-on father than his father had been, in his twenties he was busy with his career as a General Practitioner. When his second family arrived, he retrained as a psychiatrist and worked part-time.

“And now I’m retired, and have become the main carer. I do nearly all the cooking and looking after the children, because my wife is working. People have said I’m crazy but I really enjoy cooking. And the children are quite self-sufficient. It’s mostly a matter of driving them everywhere, and I did that with my first family too.

“The main challenge is the lack of energy I now have; and the main difference, is that my peers no longer have children.

“I enjoy watching television with the girls, and especially cookery programmes. The favourite in Jamie Oliver. And I enjoy walking in the country with them.

• My advice is to accept that they’re you’re not as physically resilient as you were. I would urge fathers to retire, if they have the wherewithal. Then you’re more available to your children.

Copyright. Sue Leonard. 2011.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

21st Century Dads

21st Century Dads.
For Father’s Day.
By Sue Leonard.

Published as the cover story in ‘Feelgood’ in the Irish Examiner, 18th June, 2010.

Once the family unit was sacrosanct. It consisted of a working dad; and a mum who cared for the kids. How things have changed! Now that mums work too, and divorce is commonplace, there are all kinds of functioning families. This father’s day let’s celebrate the dads who don’t meet the old stereotypes. What does fatherhood mean to them?
THE SINGLE DAD
Declan Keaveney, 53, and from Maynooth separated from his wife in 2005. He, eventually, gained custody of his children, Coran, 14. Ciara, 12 and Cathal, 10, and his wife has since died. At first, Declan hired a nanny and continued working as a Garda. He adored his job, and gained constant promotion, but he gave it all up for the sake of his children.
“It was the best decision I ever made,” says Declan. “My children are so precious, and this is the most important time in their lives. I think it is vital for me to be there for them. I think one, or both parents should always be there. ”
Before he got custody, Declan took a parenting course.
“That was wonderful,” he says. “It gave me confidence. It was good to discuss ways of parenting with other parents.
“I give the children boundaries. I think kids like them. They test them occasionally to check they are still there.”
The best thing about being a dad, Declan says, is the satisfaction he gets seeing the children go off to school with a smile on their faces.
“To see that is fantastic. I got satisfaction from being a garda; from passing exams and from extra-curricular activities, but it was nothing compared to the satisfaction I get from parenting. It’s challenging, but life is no good if there are no challenges. The worst thing is when one of them gets hurt.”
Declan on Father’s Day.
“It doesn’t mean a whole lot, but I think fathers should be equal to mothers. It’s important to give fathers recognition.”
THE AT HOME DAD
Xuan Busto, dad to Isolina, 6, and Fionn, 3, was once a computer engineer working with Intel. But three years ago, when he was offered redundancy, he decided to take it, and follow his dreams. A keen photographer, he set up a business, www.asturphoto.com, fitting his work around the children, whom he cares for at home.
“My wife, Shauna, works in admin in a university,” says Xuan. “The children were in a crèche full time early on. And we didn’t want that. After fifteen years of working in a job with a lot of stress, it was good to take a break. I may go back in the future, but right now, I’m enjoying being with the children.”
It’s not all easy. There are times when Xuan finds it difficult to keep his cool. Like when Fionn locked himself into the bathroom, or when the children spend their time fighting. And it can be lonely.
“I feel a bit left out at the school gates. I tend not to be included in ‘play dates.’ I had a friend who was an at home dad too. But he only lasted a year. That was hard for me. I miss him a lot.
“The best thing is getting to know the children. When they have a problem, they come to me. I love those intimate moments.”
“There are times I want to bang my head against a wall. Parenting is hard, but I wouldn’t change it for the world.”
XUAN ON FATHER’S DAY
“It’s good to give dad’s recognition. I think that’s important.”
THE GAY DAD
Brian Finnegan, 45, is the editor of Gay Community News. When he was in his late teens, he wasn’t thinking about having children. Yet though he was gay, he wanted to be heterosexual.
“I was unhappy about being gay when I met my son’s mother. We hit it off, and began to have a sexual relationship. I thought, ‘hurrah I am part of the club.’
By the time Brian’s son was born, he realised he couldn’t be straight.
“We stayed together until he was a year old, to give each other support, and but by then I’d grown into myself. We separated, but we’ve always stayed friends. We take our role as parents very seriously and I’ve always stayed involved.
“My son was aware that I had my partner and that he was always part of my life; when we stayed in his mum’s house we always had ‘our room,’ but we didn’t tell him I was gay until he was nine. He took it well.
“The first time one of his friends asked, was when he was 17. He asked the friend how he knew and he said, ‘he has all the sex in the city DVD’s.’ We had a good laugh about that.
“Fatherhood is hugely important to me. And I know my role has been equally important to him. He has two male role models, his step father and myself. He’s been role modelled by a gay man who is liberal and a lover of equality and diversity in the world. Along with his mother, I’ve been instrumental in shaping who he has become.
“I know my relationship with my son is incredibly important to him. And he has grounded me in many ways I would not have been. He’s made me happier as a result for sure.”
BRIAN ON FATHER’S DAY
“It’s usually the same day as my birthday, so father’s day gets shoved to one side. But it’s good to recognise fathers.”
THE PART-TIME DAD
When Pádraic McNamara, 23, first discovered he was to be a dad, he was shocked to the core.
“It was ‘whoa!’ I didn’t think I was ready,” says Pádraic. “It wasn’t planned. But when Darragh, now 10 months, was born, it was brilliant. I was at the birth and I was dazed with emotion.”
At the time Pádraic was living with Darragh’s mum, but the relationship didn’t work out. So he moved home to his mum in Mulhuddart. He has custody of Darragh for three or four days every week – usually from Monday until Thursday, leaving him free to work over the weekend.
“Being a dad is really rewarding,” says Pádraic. “It’s delightful just to watch your son, and to see how quickly he grows, and how quickly he learns. Darragh has given me a sense of meaning and purpose; he’s given my life a sense of direction.
“He’s a little angel. There’s not a bother on him. He’s easy to look after and he’s a great lad. He’s always happy. When I was still with Laura I missed my freedom, but I still have that now. My mother has taken to the grandmother role well. If I’m working – as a barman- she will mind Darragh for me.
“I have great plans for Darragh. I want him to learn languages and to learn a musical instrument. I want him to have better than I had. I’ll teach him strong family values. I’m determined to be a good dad.”
PÁDRAIC ON FATHER’S DAY
“My father was absent from a young age, so I never celebrated it. It’s just a date, a bit like Valentine’s Day. You should be a good dad all the time. It means nothing.”
THE YOUNG DAD
Liam Duff, now 21, hadn’t planned to become a dad at nineteen, but he’d always wanted to be a young dad.
“I always thought that would be good,” says Liam. “My father was 35 when he had me. I was always aware of that gap.”
A 3rd year student at UCC – Liam misses out on the extra-curricular activities. It’s an hour’s bus trip to get home to Kinsale, to Hugo, and to his partner, Charlotte Cargin.
“People say, ‘shouldn’t you be travelling, or in nightclubs binge drinking,’ but I was never, really into all that. I enjoyed my Leaving Certificate holiday, but even in first year, before I had Hugo, I got bored with it. It seemed trivial and a waste of money.
“The best thing about being a dad, is Hugo’s ability to be always happy. However upset you might be, Hugo will come in and give you a hug. If he walks into a room you can’t help but smile. He’s always jumping around smiling. It’s contagious and has an uplifting effect. He can be frustrating, and I get frustrated with him, but that’s a small thing.
“I hope Hugo and I have a good mutual respect for each other. I hope I can be a good friend who can influence him. I’d like to help him acquire a good spiritual compass, because if one has that, life can be much easier.”
LIAM ON FATHER’s DAY
“I think fathers should be recognised, but I’m not sure father’s day is the way to do it.”
© Sue Leonard. 2010.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Breastfeeding Older Children.

breastfed my daughter until she was six . . .

It's still a taboo subject, but Sue Leonard discovers why many mothers give children time to self-wean


Krysia Lynch and her children Naoise, Fionn and Siabhra . Krysia was happy to breastfeed her kids into toddlerhood. Picture by Ronan Lang

    By Sue Leonard

    Tuesday January 19 2010

    We're getting used to the sight of young mums breastfeeding in public, but how would you react if the 'baby' being fed was five -- or even older? Should limits be set on breastfeeding?

    Ann Sinnott, from Cambridge, breastfed her daughter until she was six and a half years old. Believing that all children should, ideally, be allowed to choose when breastfeeding ceases, Ann set out to explore international attitudes to this somewhat taboo practice.

    In her book, Breast-feeding Older Children, she questioned women, men and children from 48 countries via the internet, and she found that breastfeeding until a child is three, six, nine, or even 11 is a growing phenomenon.

    Why, though, did she write her book?

    "My aim was to support mums who are long-term breastfeeding, and to show them they are not alone," she says.

    "I'd like to educate health professionals, because the damage their negative comments can do is incalculable.

    "If, as a result of my book, more mums breastfeed their babies for a year, I'll be happy. If they breastfeed until the child is two I'll be happier still, and if they allow they child to self-wean I'll be happiest of all."

    Ann aimed to challenge the negative perceptions of many psychologists who contend that breastfed older children are emotionally damaged.

    "Breastfed children are happy. They rarely cry because their needs are being met. My daughter, at six, was serene and incredibly independent, yet she had the need to continue breastfeeding. I went along with her until she was ready to stop."

    Pointing out that an older child rarely breastfeeds in public; that it's something done behind closed doors, Sinnott says the reasons most mums gave for long-term breastfeeding, was that it was what their child wanted.

    The World Health Organisation recommends that mothers breastfeed until their child is two years old, and beyond.

    Yet, in Ireland, only 2.4pc of women are still breastfeeding when their babies are six to seven months old -- according to a national study on infant feeding, carried out for the HSE by Trinity College Dublin.

    "We don't have figures for mothers who breastfeed on a more long-term basis," says Maureen Fallon, the HSE's national breastfeeding coordinator.

    "We would recommend that mothers follow the WHO guidelines and feed until two or beyond. But it must be a mutual decision. At that stage, breastfeeding is more for comfort than anything else.

    "If it's mutually beneficial, it is the mother's and the child's business, and it's not for anyone else to intrude upon."

    When Krysia Lynch first saw a walking, talking child breastfeeding, her eyes almost popped out of her head.

    She was at a La Leche League meeting with her first child Naoise at the time, and had not realised long-term breastfeeding was possible.

    "It was wow! I didn't know my body was capable of that," says Krysia, who is now a mum of three. "I'd never been exposed to it before."

    Krysia had always intended to breastfeed.

    "My mother breastfed all of us until we were around six or seven months old," she says, "and all the women in my family breastfed. I knew I would do it, but I had no idea how long I would continue.

    "I was naive. I thought when your baby took real food you stopped breastfeeding. I didn't realise there was a process called weaning."

    When Naoise reached six months, Krysia started to introduce solids, but the baby wasn't too interested. And, realising that breast milk provided all the nutrients Naoise needed, Krysia relaxed, and stopped worrying about what he was eating.

    'I'd imagined I'd have finished breastfeeding him by the time he was a year old, but when his first birthday came, he still seemed so small.

    "It had taken time to get breastfeeding properly established, and it seemed crazy to stop something that was going so well. By then I'd learned to follow Naoise's needs, so I carried on. And before I knew it he was two, and I was still breastfeeding. I just carried on until he didn't seem to have a need for it."

    Were there ever any embarrassing moments in public?

    "No. With an older child you can set limits on breastfeeding," she says. "You can say 'we'll only feed at night-time', or 'only first thing in the morning'. You can say, 'It's not acceptable to walk up to me in the shopping centre and to pull my top up'."

    Krysia breastfed her second son Fionn, beyond his second birthday, too, and she is currently breastfeeding her daughter, Siabhra, who is 15 months old. But she wouldn't describe herself as radical.

    "I'm just following my child, and mothering through breastfeeding," she says.

    "I know loads of mums who long-term breastfeed. I met some of them at the local mother and toddler group. I don't think these mums breastfeed older children by design, I think they end up doing so because they see the benefits to their child."

    Many mums, though, keep quiet about the practice.

    "It's just not culturally acceptable in Ireland," says Krysia. "Other cultures are different. I was breastfeeding Naoise in Portugal when he was around 21 months old. We were at a truck stop on a motorway and I thought, 'this is the worst possible place'. But a lorry driver gave me the thumbs up. Three others shouted encouraging comments. They were saying, 'sup it up baby!' They were telling me about their children, and the late age they had been weaned."

    Monica O'Connor, a mum of six -- who recently fostered four more children -- breastfed all her children long term. Some of them weaned themselves at three -- one, the most resistant, at five years and four months. Monica is still breastfeeding Eamon, at 23 months. To her, it is entirely natural.

    'When I was 16 I met a family with a new baby. He was breastfed into toddlerhood. It was the first time I'd seen that. I liked the family's healthy lifestyle, and felt theirs was my parenting ideal.

    "Darragh was born 23 years ago when I was 18. Breastfeeding was relatively rare back then. Out of the 24 women in and out of the postnatal ward the week I was there, only four breastfed. Yet I breastfed on planes and trains; in the church and the cinema and in supermarkets, and have never, ever, received a negative comment."

    Monica doesn't believe people are aware when she's feeding an older child. "Up to two I'd have them in a sling, and most people presume the child is asleep," she says. "By three it becomes a private thing first thing in the morning. Few people would know about it; even the grandparents might not be aware.

    "I wish long-term breastfeeding was culturally acceptable, but I realise that it's not. And there are times when I have to distract an older child, because I know it will cause the people around us discomfort. Yet if I pulled out a soother, or a bottle for an older child, nobody would raise an eyebrow. That bothers me. Because by breastfeeding, I'm doing the very best that I can for my child."

    Monica believes that many women are nursing older children, but are hiding it.

    "They feel they have to. It's as if it's something shameful, which of course it isn't. And because it's hidden people are unaware that it's happening."

    Breast-Feeding Older Children by Ann Sinnott is published by Free Association Books www.fabooks.com

    - Sue Leonard

    Friday, October 23, 2009

    Should teens holiday alone.

    Sun, sea and teens let loose

    They should be thinking about their studies but many students are already planning their post-exam breaks. Are they really ready for it? Sue Leonard speaks to one mother and daughter

    By Sue Leonard

    Monday September 21 2009

    The post-Leaving Certificate holiday has become a rite of passage. Parents worry about it, but accept that once teens have left school, it's time for some independence. So, what if they fancy a pre-Leaving Cert holiday without you? Should you let them go?

    "It depends on the teenager," says Lloyd Byrne, National Childline manager with the ISPCC.

    "It's not so much the age, as the level of maturity.

    "Some 16- and 17-year-olds are wise, and very mature; and some 18- and 19-year-olds may not be. It's about parents knowing their children and knowing where they are going."

    It is harder to say no, he says, when they fund themselves.

    We encourage our children to be responsible, to earn money and to make their own decisions, so if they save to go on holiday should we allow that?

    "It's up to the parents. A lot of young people, abroad, drink and party to a level where their decision might be compromised, but that can happen on the streets of Dublin as well.

    "It helps when children have confidence. If they are informed of the consequences of their actions, and are used to making decisions for themselves, they are more alert to the dangers out there."

    The MUM Susan Clark

    When Susan Clark's daughter Sophie (17), asked if she could go on a fifth-year holiday to Puerto Banus, Susan hesitated.

    "She said that there were four of them getting an apartment together. I was reluctant to say no, especially as there were two mothers with other kids going to the complex.

    "I rang one of the mothers. and she said that they were not going to be minding them. I understood that. But I decided to let Sophie go because I trust her. Over the years, I have said that I would expect my children to behave in a certain manner, and I hope they do. You hope the 17 years she had spent with us will count for something.

    "Then, though, the plans changed. Two of the girls dropped out because their parents wouldn't let them go.

    "I talked to one of those mums, and she asked me if I knew that boys were also going. I discussed it with my husband, Martin, and we decided we'd still let her go. There wasn't an apartment available but, through a friend, we found a hotel at half-board, a bit away from the main group.

    "They were to take taxis, and they were to stick together and mind each other," says Susan.

    "And she was to text us to say things were ok. I said to her: 'If you don't text, and from your own phone, I will be worried. And I don't want to worry because I want you to have a good time.'

    "If Sophie had asked to go away at 16, I don't think I would have allowed her to go.

    "I have five children. Sophie and her twin, Hannah, are my youngest. The other three never went away before they were 18. But when I was Sophie's age, I had done my Leaving Certificate and was at liberty. That influenced my decision."

    Sophie has always been independent. She first went to the Gaeltacht at nine. She worked as an au-pair in Spain at 15 for a family she and her parents knew well; and at 16, she went to learn French in Biarritz. And she's at Wesley College as a boarder.

    "I think being away from home does help their independence," says Susan. "I haven't packed a case for the girls for years.

    "I am aware of the dangers though. When we drop their sisters at the airport, I've always said to the girls to just look around the airport. See all these lovely teenagers going off excited. Some may not come back. They may be murdered; fall off rocks, drown or be hit by scaffolding. I'd say that's your job to come back to us safe.

    "I used to say don't drink, and they would reply but all our friends do. I said 'then change your friends' but realised I was wasting my time.

    I explain that there is pressure to drink, because then, if there is trouble, the guilt is shared. And I stress that they must be careful not to get 'out of it'. They must take care to keep themselves safe.

    "When Sophie was packing, I asked her if she was looking forward to it and she said: 'Oh mummy, I haven't been this excited since we went to Tunisia.' That would have been her first family holiday away.

    "She was abroad for six days. Since she came home , she hasn't talked much about it. She was pleased to see us at the airport. That was a good sign. It seemed to go well. She enjoyed herself and came back safe.

    "I haven't quizzed her about it. I assume she will tell me, but I don't expect her to tell me an more than I'd have told my parents. And would I want to know?"

    The daughter

    Sophie Clark

    'One of my friends at school has an apartment in Puerto Banus. She said that a big group of us should go over. Mum seemed happy when there were going to be four of us in an apartment, but I expected an argument when two of the girls dropped out.

    "Surprisingly there wasn't that much. She knew I was sensible, and she stressed what I should and should not be doing. She liked my friend, and said we should stick together. She trusted me that I would.

    "Mum paid for my holiday, and my friend funded her own.

    "We went from July 13 until July 20. It was just the two of us flying. We were so excited.

    "I wouldn't let my dad come into the airport. We flew Aer Lingus, and we had to make our own way to the hotel.

    "I'd researched that on the internet the night before. We couldn't find the shuttle bus, so we got a bus to Marbella, then a taxi to the hotel.

    "The room had an entrance to the outside. We bought food and ate in there. It was basic, but nice. Everything was cheap there. We had a great time. We sunbathed during the day, and we met up with the others at night. There were nine other girls from school, and five boys. I was happy it was just the two of us.

    "We'd get up at 11 or 12 after being out until around 5am. I got drunk, basically, every night. I didn't overdo it though.

    "One night we got a random knock on the door. We thought it was the cleaning staff so we opened it, but it was this weirdo saying 'do you want to get some beer with us?' We shut the door. That was the only scary thing to happen to us.

    "The best thing about the holiday was having the independence from our parents. That was really good.

    "All the other girls had to stick together and be home at a certain time. We didn't have to stick with a group.

    "Next year a group of us plan to work in Puerto Banus.

    "Then we'll go on the Leaving Certificate holiday to Crete, or wherever the schools go."

    Sue Leonard